inconsistency, uncertainty and trust

When a person becomes inconsistent about their thoughts, it may prompt you to believe that he is unreliable and therefore poses some level of uncertainty towards your future together, and whether or not you can trust him.

I tend to believe that a person can be inconsistent about his/her thoughts, as long as these inconsistencies are small and superficial. It shouldn't be a surprise that our thoughts and feelings can sway as we progress in a relationship, assuming these aren't fundamental changes, such as our beliefs or our commitment toward each other. Our inconsistencies are nothing more than a minor blemish that make us human. However, someone can be very consistent in what they say and think, yet it tells you nothing about whether you can trust that person, other than he/she is a sharp and disciplined thinker. They are the people you want on your research team, or work on a project together, because it leverages that particular strength, which is important. But to assess whether someone is trustworthy and reliable based mainly on this factor will only give you erroneous results. Looking back at your previous relationships, have you applied this gauge and deemed one reliable and trustworthy, only to be disappointed?

There were times when you were inconsistent, yet that didn't obscure my perception of who you are. Our lives are anything but stationary, especially for someone like you who has to process 99 thoughts at any given moment, to think that you won't change your mind on anything is just absurd. So for me to lose faith in you just because you've changed your mind will be a very bad reflection upon myself. Just like people who cheat are afraid others will cheat, people who are acutely aware of other people's inconsistencies may themselves be inconsistent, and this behavior is simply a reflection of their own insecurity.

Most of the time, walking away does not solve the problem. We need to reexamine how we assess a person and stay away from the same quagmire so we don't end up miserable and disappointed.

April 21, 2011

You were the last thing on my mind before I went to sleep, and you were the first thing I thought about when I woke up this morning. Why can't I get you out of my mind? And Why are we always hurt by the people we care about most?

I happened to be the guy that slipped through your relationship filters, the one that didn't have to answer all your 496 questions before we started dating. For once, you actually listened to your heart and followed your feelings, and unfortunately you are very uncomfortable with that. You would rather trust an established process with decision gates that looks good on paper but never worked in the past, how many of those guys that passed your assessment actually became a good partner? How many of those are genuine in the way they feel about you? and how many of those actually cared about you? These are the questions you should be asking yourself, and it should trump anything any guy tells you.

You and I were together not because you gave me a free pass, you and I are together because we liked each other and are attracted to each other in many different ways, you followed your heart, not a list of things that need to be checked off.

April 20, 2011

I had trouble focusing at work today, my mind constantly replayed the things we talked about last night. Asking anyone to be in a long distance relationship is asking a lot, asking anyone to hope for something better in the future is asking a lot. But to walk away from something great and wonder what could have been, will forever haunt our conscience.

Happy New Year My Princess!

I have a lot of things to be grateful for in 2010, but nothing even comes close to being able to share my life with someone so dear and special to me:) (Im talking about you sweetie) Thank you for everything Shen, you mean the world to me :)

-Bryan

Doing Work at Alkai Beach

It was a clear and sunny day yesterday! so I decided to go somewhere with a good view to do work. and I think the starbucks at Alkai beach has the best view in seattle. and I was right! I could see the olympic mountains and the sound, it was really pretty! I also took a picture of it :)

My First Guacamole Dip... Fail

I didn't realize how hard it was to mash the avocado!!! After 40 min of trying to mash the avocado with a combination of spoon/fork/knife/cup, I made an avocado/tomato/onion salad instead:) but at least it tasted good! and I finished it too.

hey honey bear, I miss you so much, and if I see another floating balloon, I'd still wish you were here:)

Snowboarding and Korean Blood Sausage

P bear! I'm so happy you can read and write on our blog while on a cruise!!

I had a good time at Steven's Pass yesterday, it was snowing the whole time and the snow was really sticky! (which slows you down). I went with my friend Seke, and joined up with his other Korean friends later in the day. It's nice to board with different groups of people once in a while. When skiing with Kim and Kevin, I am constantly stretching my limits on how fast I can go and how brave I can be. I get a lot of enjoyment out of it, but I also get exhausted half way through the day. So whenever I can get down the slope at my own pace (like yesterday), and stop once in a while to wait for the rest of the group, eat my chocolate bar, and savor the view, I feel like I am enjoying the mountain in a whole different way.

We left the resort at around 5:30pm and Seke suggested we have this Korean blood sausage soup for dinner, his girlfriend's favorite dish. According to Seke, there are only two places in the Puget Sound that makes this kind of sausages. We went to the one in Shoreline, tucked inside a small Korean grocery store, the other is in Federal Way. I was not too psyched about this dish when I saw it, but since I'm always up to trying new things, plus I was hungry, I ate most of it, minus the slices of pork liver and kidney in the soup. (add these to the list of things I don't eat, right beneath eggplant:)). But I'll definitely bring my parents there next time they come visit, I think they'll like it a lot:) And I can bring you there too! (If you really really like intestinal food parts), but I'll order pork bugolgi or spicy rice cake for myself instead:)

I stayed home and slept for most of the day today, and I'll try to do some work tomorrow and Thursday. I miss you a lot sweetie....!!!!

-buffalo